Angry Sports

I was watching ESPN the other day while eating lunch. I saw a familiar Sportscenter face standing in front of a green screen. Behind him was Mount Rushmore and, considering my lack of speedy service, I found myself intrigued by the silent man on the flat screen. He wasn’t silent so much as muted. I was sitting next to my girlfriend, and felt the need to show how sports savvy I thought I was. So I spouted out the first four names that came to mind. Then the faces started appearing on the screen.

It took me by surprise that the first two guys were from NY teams, but by the end I was making a scene. The final face they threw up on the screen in place of Lincoln was Joe Namath. My hands went up in protest so quickly that I scattered my newly arrived basket of fries everywhere. That didn’t stop my girlfriend from taking the opportunity to rub in the fact that I only got one player right. I was in a sour mood for the next few days.

That was until I saw another one of the Rushmore segments. Apparently I had missed the fact that each one was about a city. The obvious NY bias appeared to be necessary considering that was the city they were covering that day. My bad.

However, it did get me thinking about the possibilities of an all-time Rushmore. So a few days later, while on a 6 hour road trip up to Raleigh to see one of my best friends, I brought the thought up to the car load of guys. Debate ensued.

We all agreed that there should be a representative from each of the three big American sports. My justification for this being that Rushmore is a pretty American thing: defacing a mountain side… or… facing a mountain side… whatever. Anyways, we excluded soccer from an automatic bid. Thus giving our Rushmore a spot for the face of football, basketball, baseball, and other. The Rock Wall of Fame, if you will.

Football’s candidates: Pop Warner, Vince Lombardi, and Dick Butkus

Baseball’s candidates: Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, and Nolan Ryan

Basketball’s candidates: Wilt Chamberlain, Michael Jordan, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Miscellaneous candidates: Michael Phelps, Muhammad Ali, and Tiger Woods

We argued the hell out of it, screaming and crying about how our guy deserved it over that other bum. (Yes, I called Michael Jordan a bum at one point. So shoot me.) But we finally came to a consensus.

Vince Lombardi- He was the face of the sport in the pre Superbowl years, and even the first few years. He is arguably the greatest coach of his generation and the trophy handed out to the best team in the league every year is named after him. We couldn’t think of one single player that rose to the top of the heap the same way Lombardi does, so we gave him the nod.

Babe Ruth- This one was a little more heated when it came to debating. Some of us felt like the other two guys could compete in today’s game, and others thought that Babe was overrated. In the end we finally decided that considering how important he was to the most recognizable franchise in the sport and the fact that their stadium was once called “The House that Ruth Built” qualified

Michael Jordan- This one hurts. I understand that Jordan is considered by most to be a god, but I simply don’t think enough people give Wilt Chamberlain the respect he deserves. The man held every conceivable record for ages. He scored 100 points in a game, for goodness sake. He completely changed the game… but as a group we decided on Jordan. It’s a good thing this is MY blog, though.

Muhammad Ali- Another highly contested spot on the Wall. Phelps, though an incredible Olympian, was in a distant third on this vote. Self proclaimed greatest boxer ever or the possible greatest golfer ever? We ended up going with the former simply because Tiger hasn’t finished his career yet. Ali was electric, active outside the ring, an incredible lyricist, and the quickest heavyweight the world has ever seen.

I’d love to see what athletes some of you guys that read this stinker would put on your own wall. Let’s hear it.

Please stop saying “factor back.” It’s not funny or productive. You get paid a lot of money to be an ESPN analyst. Do that, Merrill. Don’t continue saying “factor back” because if you do, people will start to realize that you have no sense of humor and are a an knucklehead. I would rather gargle a busted up car windshield than hear you say that phrase one more time. Please don’t do it anymore. I know you’re reading…

It’s been a while. So, let us argue about college football rankings. As I’ve said before, I don’t think they should even be official until after week 8, but now I wonder if they would matter even then. I saw a wonderful piece on Nick Saban yesterday that really put it into perspective for me. The only quote that I really appreciated was when the interviewer asked Saban how he felt about being ranked second in the NCAA after shellacking UGA last weekend. He responded with some thing along the lines of, it doesn’t really matter. I mean, can anyone tell me who was ranked #2 on September 29^th of last year, or the year before that?

Say what you want about Nick Saban, but dammit the man is right. It only matters in the end where you’re ranked and even then, it’s not a logical guarantee whether or not your team gets into the championship game. So, let’s rip these current rankings to shreds, shall we? Here are my top five reasons that the rankings are stupid… in no particular anger inducing order.

1. Teams move up and down the rankings in a hypocritical way. Example: Either Alabama jumped six spots after snot-bubbling the supposed 11^th ranked team in the nation, or UGA dropped nine spots after losing to the number 2 team in the nation. Also, the non-adjustment making Trojans of Southern Cal only fell 8 spots after losing to unranked Oregon State, AND Oregon State doesn’t even get ranked after beating the number eight team in the country!!! What???

2. Brigham Young is ranked in the top 10, even though they’ll never make it to the big game. Everyone knows that a 1 loss ACC, SEC, Pac-10, Big 10/11, or Big 12 team would make it before the Young’n’s. Yet, there they are taking up a spot that they’ll get kicked out of down the road. Because they deserve to be kicked out? No. Because the voters will do it.

3. One loss teams can be ranked in front of undefeated teams. Granted, teams like Ohio State and Auburn lost to top 10 teams. Those aren’t the one loss teams I’m talking about. I’m talking about Wisconsin being ranked ahead of Vandy, and Virginia Tech being ranked ahead of Oklahoma State. The former teams lost to unranked Michigan and East Carolina yet the latter teams have taken care of business. The only thing holding the Commodores and Cowboys back is that fallacy-filled OPINION of those ever-so-qualified voters.

4. Teams that lose to other teams can still be ranked ahead of the teams that beat them. Confusing enough? There are plenty of cases already this season: Wake Forrest is ranked over Navy, Va Tech is ranked over East Carolina, Wisconsin is ranked over Michigan, and Florida is ranked over Ole Miss. If the rankings are based on previous weeks, why is there such a short term memory when it comes to weeks previous to the previous ones?

5. Some teams that win their division don’t have a chance at the BCS title. Yes, here it comes: The Playoff Argument. Why can’t the best of the best all get a shot? What other sport excludes division winners from a chance at the title? Stupidity. I say we take all the big conference winners and a couple of over achievers (Being the two highest ranked teams that didn’t win their conference. BCS or not). Here’s my solution:

First Round on December 20^th:

Big 12 Champ vs. At Large Team in the Cotton Bowl

Pac-10 Champ vs. Big-10 Champ in the Rose Bowl

ACC Champ vs. Big East Champ in the Orange Bowl

SEC Champ vs. At Large Team in the Peach Bowl

Second Round on December 27^th:

Cotton Winner vs. Rose Winner in the Fiesta Tostitos Bowl

Orange Winner vs. Peach Winner in the Sugar Bowl

Third Round on January 3^rd:

The Fiesta Winner vs. the Sugar Winner in BCS Championship Game